Funny Status Messages

There are days when you feel pissed off and don’t want to be disturbed. There are days when u r in a happy mood and want to express a feeling without having to talk to everybody. Status messages come in handy (For people who don't understand the term, Status message is a ‘tag’ line that appears with the online status of a person) and I’m a big fan of the funny ones.

A number of people have proverbs and motivational messages as their status messages but very less have funny status messages. I have seen a lot of people have one just for the sake of it, One of my friend has ‘Be Positive’.. Really? Is that what you are trying to tell the world about u? I have a collection and plan to make them public through my blog. To get started off, here are some funny and ridiculous status messages.

* The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue

* As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either

* Forget Health Food. I’m at an age where i need all the preservatives i can get.

* My take home pay doesn't even take me home.

* I would be unstoppable. If i could just get started.

* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

* Reason I joined IT: I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.

* Reason I joined IT:Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.

* A day without sunshine is like, night.

* Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

* Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

* Death is hereditary.

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

* Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

* Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

* Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

* Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. What u prefer??

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

* If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

* Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.

* Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

* Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

* Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

* When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My friend recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs… ..”

* Love is holding hands in the street.Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

* Love is cuddling on a sofa.Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

* Love is going to bed early.Marriage is going to sleep early.

* Tv has no place in love.Marriage is a fight for remote control.

* Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!